Has someone recently spoken to you and preceded their statement with the phrase, “To be honest”? Perhaps it sounded something like this, “To be honest, I really don’t drink coffee after 5:00 pm because it keeps me awake at night.”

There’s a good chance that you hear someone say this to you more than once a day. I hear this statement several times a day when others are speaking to me, when I’m listening to a newscast on radio or television and when I’m listening to a conversation between other people. If you start listening for the phrase, you might be surprised how often you will hear it.

My first reaction is to wonder, “Up until this point in the conversation, has the person not been honest? Or have they been less than honest, which is to say that they have not been telling the truth?” For some reason, this cliché has crept into our culture. Perhaps with all of the misinformation and half-truths that bombard our brains each day, this phrase is simply a way of saying, “You may not hear the truth from others, but I am going to tell you something that contains absolutely no false information.” Who’s to say what the real motivation behind this phrase might be?

Wouldn’t it be great to live your life in such a manner that when you speak to others, you wouldn’t have to proclaim your honesty each time you made a statement? Your commitment to the truth would be such a part of your character that you would have a reputation of always speaking honestly and truthfully. Isn’t this the person you want to be? Isn’t this the kind of person with whom you want to associate? “To be honest,” it’s the kind of reputation I would like to have.

Leaders are people who don’t make mistakes and if they do make a mistake, they certainly shouldn’t admit it to others. Actually, I disagree with the previous statement. However, the consensus of opinion among many leaders today seems to indicate that they are rarely wrong and if they are wrong, instead of admitting a mistake, the objective is to put a positive “spin” on the mistake. For example, “I didn’t lie. I simply misspoke the truth as I understood it.”

This unhealthy leadership ideology, to which many leaders often adhere, is contrary to the four things good leaders should say when they make a mistake.

• “I was wrong.”
• “I’m sorry.”
• “I don’t know what to do.”
• “I need help.”

The more a leader attempts to hide or “spin” his or her mistake, the more tangled the web of deceit becomes. Sir Walter Scott , a noted Scottish author and novelist may have been on to something when he said, “Oh what a tangled web we weave, when first we practice to deceive.” When you are deep in a hole that you have been digging, continuing to dig will not provide a way out.

As a leader, when you make a mistake:

• admit it
• apologize
• acknowledge you’re not sure what to do
• ask for help

You will be amazed at how others will be willing to follow you and assist you because of your transparency and honesty. If you don’t believe me, give it a try the next time you make a mistake in front of a team member. However, if you are reluctant to do this, you can simply keep spinning your web and become more entangled in your mistake.

An American friend, who lived in another country for several years, recently returned to United States. She told me that there was a basic cultural difference she noticed about Americans and the people with whom she interacted in the other country.

She explained, “The people in the country where I previously lived are reluctant to make commitments too far into the future. If my husband and I wanted to schedule a dinner with another couple a week or two in advance, we would often be told that this was too far in the future. We were encouraged to ask again a day or two ahead of the suggested date.”

I replied, “You may be surprised to discover that this ‘wait and see’ attitude has creeped into the American culture.”

Many people seem to be less and less committed to, well, making commitments. Since options seem to abound just about everywhere, many people are reluctant to say, “Yes.” to an offer today because a better offer might appear tomorrow.

My father used to call this “hedging your bet.” It means that you avoid committing yourself to one specific thing, in order to leave a means of retreat available for yourself. This idiom arose in financial transactions in the early 17^th century. It referred to the practice of securing several smaller loans with a variety of lenders instead of taking out one large loan with a single lender. By doing this, if you couldn’t pay your debt one month, it was easier to pay several lenders a small sum of money to keep them happy, instead of having to pay one lender a larger sum of money to keep that lender happy.

In the 21^st century, “hedging your bet” has come to be known as “waiting until you have a better offer.” Although this might make good sense in financial transactions, it’s not a trait to be envied when it comes to leading a team. Most team members are reluctant to follow a leader who has a “wait and see” reputation. Instead, they prefer to follow someone who is known for being decisive. So, the next time someone asks you for a commitment, say, “Yes” or say, “No.” You’ll soon get the reputation for being a decisive leader. Remember, most people like following a leader who knows where they are going, not only down the road, but also, TODAY.

If you would like to learn how you can become a more decisive leader, contact us at ReWorkMe.